Go toMoving on
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
You're not alone. Try not to make it personal. E-motions are just energy in motion. We make this energy into a problem when we make it ours - 'my fear, my rage' etc. Breath, sound and movement are three of the best ways to move energy. Get out have a shout, jump about or do some conscious breathing making sure you breathe out more than you breathe in.
“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."
Lt. John B. Putnam Jr.
If you are scared you are going to hurt yourself – see if you can resist for just five minutes, then another five minutes, then ten, then twenty.
"Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead."
Our bodies sometimes react automatically to things without listening to our heads and hearts!
Our hearts might beat fast and our bodies might sweat or tremble at things that could potentially hurt or overwhelm us – even if we know we're not really in any danger.
Don't be ashamed of being afraid – it's just part of being human!
“You are powerful and you are loving and you have nothing to fear”
And feel that you are right here, right now.
You exist! You are here today!
That's an achievement in itself.
"'Fearless' is living in spite of those things that scare you to death."
or send a text or email explaining how you feel. Sometimes it's really helpful to just vent to someone – anyone - and put your feelings into words.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
“Human beings are not designed to go through life alone. No one has to bear the burden of the tough times all by themselves."
You won't be afraid forever.
“This too shall pass”
You'll be alright. You can handle this!
“Life does not put things in front of you that you are unable to handle.”
Give it a face and a name. Maybe your fear is a shadowy demon, or a beautiful young woman with red eyes. When you feel yourself getting scared, picture your fear sneaking up on you or trying to win you over. Greet it mentally. This helps you separate yourself from your fear, and helps you to notice that the fear isn't you, and isn't a part of you. It's something separate that comes and goes – it's something that can be mastered and controlled.
“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.”
It's impossible to be in a state of fear and love at the same time!
If you can find a way to connect to the feeling of love, your fear will have no room to grow. Read a book or watch a movie that you really love. Talk to someone you care about. Cuddle a pet or a favourite stuffed animal, or look at pictures of your current crush!
Let yourself love.
“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”
Turn it up and sing along!
It's hard to stay scared when you're singing.
“When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe.”
Henry David Thoreau
Anger is a strong energetic feeling that often needs to be expressed physically. Put on some loud angry music, and sing and dance and mosh along. Let go!
"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful."
Agnes De Mille
It doesn't have to lead to aggression. It doesn't have to hurt anyone. It can be expressed and released harmlessly – anger can be turned into a powerful, positive force for change!
“Better to live one year as a tiger, then a hundred as sheep.”
If you're feeling angry at yourself, try to change your focus from being negative to being positive. Name 3 things that you have accomplished, or 3 things that you are proud of, or 3 qualities that you know make you a good person - or just 3 times that you brightened someone elses day.
Focus on the positive!
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
write yourself a letter expressing your frustration.
Then write a reply forgiving yourself and giving yourself permission to try again another time.
You can tear up the “frustrated” letter, but keep the forgiving letter for a time in the future when you might need to hear kind words from yourself.
“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on”
Everyone gets angry from time to time. It's a valid feeling, and you don't need to bottle it up.
Bottling up and repressing your feelings does more harm than good!
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
Hit your pillows with your fists or a tennis racket – making sure you do not hurt yourself. Take it all out on your pillow!
“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.”
to the person you are angry about. Vent all your feelings, don't worry about how it sounds or what you're writing – don't try to make it perfect, just write from your heart.
Then, rip the letter up!
“Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.”
Do something physical or energetic – dance, run, shout, swear, jump on the bed!
“When angry, count to ten; when very angry, swear.”
– then make the decision to wait it out. You can't always make the right decision when you're angry; anger can make people act impulsively and do things that they later regret.
Decide that you won't do anything or make any big decisions until anger has loosened it's grip on you a little.
“Never do anything when you are in a temper, for you will do everything wrong.”
do something refreshing to clear your head!
Splash some cold water on your face, take a shower, brush your teeth or take off your makeup. Cleansing, toning and moisturising is a soothing, pampering ritual and might help you to feel calmer.
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”
Watch the clouds, lean against a tree, spend some time in the garden. If it's rainy, let it rain on you! If it's windy, let it blow!
Be a part of it – it will help you to remember where you are from, and what you are an important part of.
“Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers...it is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.”
that you've done that has made a difference to someone – no matter how small.
Even smiling at a stranger, stroking a stray cat, or paying someone a compliment. You have the power to make people happy, and brighten their whole day.
“When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further,when life seems to be drained of all purpose - what a wonderful opportunity to start all over again, to turn over a new page."
that everyone feels despair sometimes.
You are not alone.
“Life begins on the other side of despair.”
Line up a playlist of songs that make you feel happy, hopeful, inspired or empowered. Then kick back and listen to the whole lot of them while you keep yourself busy!
Things you could do: clean your room, organise your clothes, paint your nails, do some drawing, play a computer game, give yourself a makeover, knit, write a story or make a timetable for your week.
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”
to yourself, from the part of you that feels despairing. Tear it up and put it into the recycling or compost and see that it will be turned into something else.
As you tear it up, repeat positive thoughts to yourself such as: “It's no big deal” “I know I'll be alright” “Things are getting better already” or “I'll handle it.”
“The roughest road often leads to the top.”
Treat yourself as though you were your own best friend. Cuddle with a toy or a hot-water bottle, wrap yourself in your duvet and watch your favourite movie. Put on your favourite outfit or wear your favourite perfume. Take a long hot bath and pamper yourself.
You deserve to be treated kindly.
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength."
Ralph W. Sockman
that there is something wrong with us. This is usually because of what someone else has said or from something that we have read about how people are ‘supposed’ to be.
You are you, there is no-one else who can be you and it is impossible for there to truly be something wrong with you. Give yourself the gift of love and acceptance and let go of worrying about what others believe.
Write it down! Dedicate a word document or a notebook to good thoughts and feelings that you have about yourself. List your strengths! List things that you are good at, or things you like about yourself – or maybe things that you have done well in the past, and moments when you have been brave or kind or funny.
Visit your good-feelings document or notebook and spend some time with it. Decorate it, change the font colours, doodle in the corners, add new positive feelings and most importantly – READ IT! Read it over and over again.
The more you read kind and positive thoughts about yourself, the more they sink in and raise your self-esteem.
"Yes - I can put my head up and I can continue."
to anyone who has treated you as worthless, telling them that you value yourself and don't deserve to be treated this way. Stick up for yourself as though you were defending your best friend or a family member!
Don't send the letter – rip it up defiantly or type over the whole thing with lyrics that make you feel good about yourself.
"It's not what you call me, but what I answer to."
Stick it on your mirror. The more you think positive statements, the more they sink in and become true. We can train our brains to think positively, and we can end our negative thoughts and fears by feeding ourselves positive, uplifting messages.
"I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself."
'I am beautiful'/ 'I deserve love' / 'I am getting better all the time'/ 'I can handle anything that comes my way' / 'I am doing good' / 'I love who I am' / 'The past is history.' / 'What matters is right now – and right now I am doing great' / 'Every day is a new opportunity' / 'Today is the first day of my new life'/ 'I am a survivor – I am strong'/ 'Everything's going to turn out right.'
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning how to dance in the rain.”
and write it out on a piece of paper to keep in your pocket. Whenever you have negative thoughts or you find memories from the past coming back to haunt you, stay strong and pull out your piece of paper. Read your positive thought aloud 5 times, and repeat it to yourself in your head 10 times. You can change your positive thought every day or week if you like, but however dark things get you'll always have comforting words on hand to keep you strong.
“A lotus grows in the mud.”
Everyone feels ashamed from time to time. Sometimes we might feel shame or guilt about things that happened in the past – sometimes old memories can surface without warning and make us feel miserable or embarrassed. That's normal. Just remember that whatever has happened in the past is over and done with. It's the future and the present that defines who you are as a person– not the past.
“Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed.”
You're only human. Go easy on yourself, and don't sweat the small stuff.
"Never be ashamed! There’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth bothering with."J.K. Rowling
that feeling lonely can be a normal part of being human. Us humans are very social creatures, and can suffer when we feel like we're alone. Think of all the billions of people in the world who are also feeling lonely right now. Some of them you might know. Lots of them will be celebrities.
Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling alone.
“When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that.”
by an artist or group that you love. Music can make us feel like we'll never be alone again! Imagine going to a live gig and being part of a huge audience, everyone reaching out towards the stage and loving the same music.
Whether you are actively involved in it or not, you are part of a huge connected family of fans.
"He who hears music, feels his solitude peopled at once."
Is there something you would like to be part of but feel too scared to join?
What would help you to take the first step?
“Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around!”
who have been involved in the journey of you reading this. The person who built your computer, the person who transported it to the shop, the salesperson who sold it, the person who taught you to read, the person who wrote this webpage...
Even though they are not with you all these people are connected to your experience in life.
“Look at the sky. We are not alone. The whole universe is friendly to us and conspires only to give the best to those who dream and work.”
Watch a TV series that you know you love. Fall in love with your favourite characters all over again! Go online and find a community or fangroup dedicated to the show. Read posts, download or contribute icons and wallpapers, read some fanfic or draw some fanart.
Get connected to a community that feels the same way you do, that can support you to open up to life!
“Fandom has done a lot for me. It gave me something to invest in when I was lacking a lot of trust and will in my life; gave me something to look forward to and be excited for...
Over and over again, coming and going, fandom has saved my life. And it always will. ”
Let them know how you are feeling and what you would like. If you don't feel like talking about your feelings, just phone or text someone for a random chat!
“A single conversation across the table with a wise person is worth a month's study of books”
Pick a charity that you're interested in. Then, go for it! Just go along and do your best. You'll meet new people, and experience new things.
You will have done something a bit scary, and so expanded your own comfort zone – you'll come home feeling brave and confident.
You'll also have done a good thing, and used your time and energy in helping others.
“As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition too.”
Have a look online and in your local papers for weekly meetings, clubs and groups. You might find a protest group, a book club or creative writing club. There are church groups and political groups too – get in touch and attend a meeting!
Alternatively, there will be chatrooms and online communities passionate about these issues too. Get involved!
“It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.”
Sometimes we're lonely because there's a lot on our minds and we need to talk about it to someone. A quick remedy for easing loneliness is to chat to yourself about what's going on for you! Just vent all your feelings and thoughts out onto the page.
Question and investigate your own feelings as you write. What's making you feel this way? Is it true? What makes you think it's true? What would make you feel better right now?
"I was never less alone than when by myself.”
Take a long, hot bath, using all of your favourite bath products. When you're out, put on your comfiest clothes and apply some of your favourite perfume or bodyspray. Paint your nails. Blowdry your hair and style it differently.
Take it slow, and just focus on making yourself feel comfy, clean and pampered.
“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says 'i'm possible!'”
Maybe take a long walk, or wrap yourself up in your duvet and watch a favourite movie or TV series. Make yourself a hot water bottle and cuddle up to it.
Take good care of yourself!
“We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are.”
Take some deep breaths. On the out breath make a sound to release some of the worry.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”
of any decisions you want to make, or any things you need to get done. You might have a lot on your plate and it can seem so overwhelming, but it all becomes a lot more manageable when it's written down in a list.
Then you can prioritize everything and work out what you need to do first.
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
See if you can think of someone that you could ask for help. Maybe a family member, a friend or a counsellor.
Try looking online for communities and forums that might be able to help make you feel less worried.
"Everything is practise."
Your best is good enough, and can't be anything but good enough.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
“Sometimes the paths we take are long and hard, but remember: those are the ones that lead to the most beautiful views."
and write it out on a piece of paper to keep in your pocket. Whenever you get worried or feel anxious, you'll know that you can always reach into your pocket and read that positive thought.
You can change your positive thought every day or every week if you like, but however dark things get you'll always have comforting words on hand to keep you strong.
“Don't worry about a thing,'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.”
Untense all your muscles, and pay attention to how it feels. Imagine a warm glow spreading downwards through your body from your head to the tips of your toes. Imagine the glow becoming warmer on every slow, relaxed in-breath. Imagine all of your stress and tension flowing out of you on every slow, relaxed out-breath. Picture all your tension floating up and away from you like a black cloud being blown away.
“You can't always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.”
Your anxiety is just a feeling. Remember that it won't last long, and won't last forever.
“When you’re feeling anxious, remember that you’re still you. You are not anxiety. Whenever you feel otherwise, remember that’s just the anxiety talking. You are still you and hold the power in every moment.”
If a good friend told you that she was worried about something. Comfort and reassure yourself in the same way – be kind to yourself and be your own best friend.
where the feelings of self-hatred are. You might feel like they're a knot in your stomach, or a lump in your throat, or a heavy feeling in your heart.
Close your eyes and then shout or scream from that place. Imagine you're shouting all the self hate out of you – you might want to scream into a pillow or you might prefer to shout at the world!
"You can’t look back; you have to keep looking forward."
with a tennis racquet or pummel it with your fists. Go outside and kick a ball around, dance, or go for a run.
Release all of your bad feelings safely.
“Everything will be okay. You are beautiful, and it is far more than skin-deep. Let it shine.”
that it is possible to change your thinking and stop your feelings of self-hatred.
You can love yourself.
And when you do you will look back on today with a smile and a wish that you could give yourself a hug.
“Sometimes the paths we take are long and hard, but remember: those are the ones that lead to the most beautiful views."
If a good friend told you that she hated herself. Comfort and reassure yourself in the same way – be kind to yourself and be your own best friend.
of who else you may be angry with. Self-hatred is often anger turned in.
Sometimes it feels easier for people to hate themselves rather than the people who hurt or let them down.
You might notice bad thoughts about yourself popping into your head. Notice when they do, and challenge them.
Every time you catch those self-hating thoughts sneaking up on you, think to yourself “No, that's not true.”
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring”
with a positive thought about yourself.
“I am a great person.” “I deserve to be happy.” “I know I'm doing just fine.” “Every day I'm getting better.”
It doesn't matter if you don't believe it right now – it's true. The more you say it to yourself, the more you'll grow in confidence.
"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
If you like the colour of your eyes, write it down. Maybe you like yourself for being imaginative, or loyal – maybe you know you're a good listener, or great with animals, or intelligent. Whatever comes to mind, write it down.
Keep the list somewhere special, and add to it whenever you have a good thought about yourself.
“When people don't believe in you, you have to believe in yourself.”
and tell them how you're feeling. Ask them for some support.
You might feel like you need to vent about your feelings, or you might just want to take your mind off them and cheer yourself up with a long, random chat.
Accept that you feel sad right now, and remember that it's a natural feeling.
Everyone feels like this from time to time.
This feeling won't last forever.
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
with a hot water bottle. Hold it close and let the heat comfort you.
"I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
Send a text or email message asking for support.
Have a good cry if you need to! Crying releases toxins that can build up in our bodies due to stress.
It lowers our stress levels, and helps us to release our pent-up emotions and feelings.
“All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.”
Find somewhere that you can make a loud noise and have a scream. Scream into a pillow if you want to.
"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfull personality and duplicate it."
Do some tidying up and put some of your things into order.
Do the washing up, organise your clothes, or clean up your desk area.
"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world."
George Bernard Shaw
Collect up all your old clothes, books or CDs that you don't want any more. Donate them to a clothes bank, or take them to a charity shop of your choice.
You'll have cleared up some clutter and made a tidier place for yourself, but you'll also feel good knowing that you're helping a good cause.
"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."
of any decisions you want to make, or any things you need to get done. You might have a lot on your plate and it can seem overwhelming, but it all becomes a lot more manageable when it's written down in a list.
"Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead."
Most people need to feel in control in a life that changes a lot - find something that will give you a feeling of being in control.
"Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly"
Robert H. Schuller
Experiment with some methods of relaxation, like meditation or breathing techniques.
Give yourself time to relax and unwind – learn to let go.
"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."
Find something to look after – something that needs care, and routine. Keep a fish, or raise a tank of sea monkeys.
Grow a plant from a seedling, or buy a beautiful bonsai tree to tend to and look after.
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
Click a square to see suggestions that may help.
Tell us what you know of that you find helpful to make changes