Exploring Alternatives

Q: I need to feel physical pain as my emotional pain is overwhelming or I feel I deserve it

Things people have told us they do in this situation are: Bite into a chilli Hold ice cubes Snap an elastic band or hair band on your wrist

Q: I need to feel able to care for and nurture myself

Ideas people have given us over the years include: Cuddling a soft toy/pillow Allowing yourself to cry Sleeping Taking a shower or bath Playing with a pet Drinking hot chocolate Wearing your pyjamas and watching daytime TV Having a massage or massaging your own hands and feet

Q: I need to communicate that I am not OK – to myself and/or others

Some ideas people have suggested to us are: Draw yourself or around your arm on a piece of paper, draw the harm you are imagining then destroy the picture Take a photo of yourself when you are feeling upset, write all over it how you are feeling then destroy the picture. Writing poetry, journals, letters, stories Doodling or scribbling on paper Drawing or painting

Q: I need to feel connected to my body; to feel something

Some suggestions in this situation are: Take a hot shower and use a good exfoliating body wash and a sponge or glove and scrub! Chewing leather Grounding exercises Dancing Singing Anything that involves repetitive action – colouring, stroking a pet, tapping your fingers on a table

Q: I need to release pent up, unbearable emotions

Some suggestions people have told us about over the years include: Punching a punch bag or cushion Having a pillow fight with the wall Shouting and screaming Ripping up paper into small pieces Chopping up plastic bottles Taking your anger out on a soft toy Throwing socks against the wall Stamping your feet (with boots on) Making and listening to a playlist that matches your emotions

To download all of the following information in an accessible PDF format, click here

For many people, a key thing that helps them to reduce their self-harm or feel more in control of it, is better understanding what functions self-harm has for them – what it brings to them – and exploring if there are things they could do that would have a similar function but be less harmful.

If you need suggestions of alternatives right now please scroll to the bottom of the page.

Working out what functions self-harm has for you can be a slow process, it may be something you have never thought about before, and for many people self-harm just seems to happen and it’s not clear why.

To start this process we suggest two things:

Try to remember the first time you self-harmed – what was happening, how did you feel both emotionally and in your body, do you remember what made you use self-harm at that point and what difference did self-harm make?
Have you noticed or can you think of any patterns or similar events or feelings that happen when you feel urges to self-harm? Use these urges as information to think about what’s going on for you in that moment. For some people it’s when they are in a certain place or reminded of certain people, for some people it’s when they feel a certain emotion or are asked to deal with a situation they can’t cope with. For you it might be some or all of these things, or something different.

With some awareness about the role and function of self-harm in your life you can start to think about other things that might bring the same thing or something similar into your life.

We are not for a minute suggesting that this is an easy or quick process, but even having a better understanding of why you self-harm can help you feel more in control and less distressed.

Some of the common functions people tell us self-harm has for them are:

To release pent up, unbearable emotions
To feel connected to their body; to feel something
To communicate that they are not OK – to themselves and/or others
To feel able to care for and nurture themselves
To feel physical pain in a specific place as their emotional pain is overwhelming or because they feel they deserve it

This list might not cover your experiences, but exploring the functions of self-harm for you can help you to identify alternatives that might offer the same function and help you not to self-harm, if that is what you want to do.

Some alternatives people have told us they have found useful are:

Latest

Therapeutic Expressive Arts Group (TEA)
Self Injury Through Time Theatre Group (SITT)

An unexpected group of strangers come together one evening; to discuss the one thing they all have in common. Through sharing their own experiences and hearing each other’s, they begin to question the perception they’ve always held about self-injury and ask themselves “Am I Worthy?”
Self Injury Through Time (SITT)
Peer Support Services

Self Injury Support's Peer Services offer non-medical, non-judgmental support from people with their own experience of self-harm.

Casual Sex As Self Harm

For months I would go to the areas of town where lone women were told not to go. I would purposely go to the places and do the things that I knew were putting me at risk. I fooled myself into thinking I was in control, that it was a calculated risk. I wasn't finding people on a dating app, I wasn't going on blind dates or finding people through mutual friends. I was going to the bars that people would advise me to avoid and actively looking for a one night stand.
UK Support Groups and Other Services

Comprehensive listing of local and national self-harm and self-injury support groups and organisations
Text and Helpline Support Services Open
Where You Harm and What You Do
Rainbow Journal - Personal Self-Help Diary
What if I don't want to stop self-harming?
Distractions and alternatives
About Us - Our Vision, Our Mission, Our Values

Read more about our vision that anyone who uses self-injury knows they are not alone; that everyone understands that self-injury is a complex and important issue we should all care about and that together we tackle both the causes and stigma of self-injury.
Helpful responses to self-injury

Short and long term helpful responses to self-injury
Reducing self-harm worksheet